I am very sick, mentally, to the point of living on social security and possibly having a semi-experimental surgery. I am on medication that makes it hard to concentrate. I have been practicing for a few years and I have found that my gift is candle magick. But since I have gotten sicker (I have had these ailments for 18 years and spent a lot of that time trying to end my life.) I have a really hard time doing any magick. How do I continue doing something that keeps me alive and happy? I love watching the magick work. I feel there is a point for me being here. What do I do if the surgery doesnt work. I also dont want to spend the rest of my life in a hospital. The medication doesnt really do anything hence the surgery. I am also a solitary witch so there is no real support near here. How do I keep my magick? Thank you, Emma

Emma, Blessed BE!

My heart aches at your pain and I understand your desire to hold on to your magic while fighting your illness.  The way that you should do this is to practice your magic as often as the illness allows it. You should cast a spell of protection on yourself before you have your surgery done, asking the Lord and Lady to guide the doctors in their treatment of you.

Since your concentration is at issue, rely on what you can to ease this. There is no harm in writing your magic down when the medication is effecting you less. Then, you can simply read your castings aloud at the time that you need them. While we need some level of concentration to make our magic work, we can reduce the depth of concerntation by gathering all our equipment together before beginning our casting.

In addition, what you need to do for yourself is a spell of clarity and grounding whenever you are feeling overwhelmed by either your illness or your medicaiton. Even something as simple as creating a protection satchel on one of your good days and carrying it with you during the bad will help you to get through. A simple satchel or sage andlavendar, carried on your person at all times, can help see you through the pain of the illness and give you hope for a brighter future.