Hello, and thank you for taking time to read my question. I don’t know if you can help me with this, but I just thought I’d give it a try. I’m nineteen years old, will be twenty in November, and will (hopefully) soon be getting a divorce from my husband of nearly two years. He did me very wrong, and quite frankly I’ve suffered a great deal in the time I was with him. Recently though, I met a man whom I think I could fall in love with, but he says he isn’t ready for a serious relationship. I’ve just been through so much, and it might sound selfish, but I want this man to love me in return. I’ve considered many times becoming a witch, or just a wicca healer of some sort, but I don’t have anyone to guide me through it. My question is: is there any way I can get this man to see me for who I really am, not just what’s on the outside, so that he might fall in love with me?

I really don’t think that you’re going to like my answer, but I need to follow my own experience here.  I know of a young woman of like age in similar circumstances, and I will give you the same advice that I have given her.  In my opinion, the last thing you need at this moment is another romantic relationship.  While I admire your trust in “love”, what you really need to do is get to know yourself first, and learn to love yourself completely before you leap confidently into another relationship.  The most beneficial thing for you right now would be to become comfortable within your skin, and to learn your place in the Universe.  Too many times we, as women, define ourselves not from within, but by our relationships.  Doing this robs us of wholeness, and stunts our growth, both emotionally and spiritually.

Look at it this way.  If you had been severely injured in a bicycle accident, you would require ample time to heal before you began riding again.  This would not imply distrust in the bicycle; it would, instead, mean that you are wise enough to recognize that your body needs time to heal.   If you jumped back on that bicycle directly after your release from the hospital,  you would be weak and sore, and could reopen old wounds as well as make new, deeper wounds.  Your soul, your emotions, your self-image…these are no different.

You say that you’ve thought many times about becoming a witch or a Wiccan healer; this may be a beneficial place to start in the search for self-hood.  I know it sounds trite, but a good grounding helps our spirit to fly.  If you are having trouble finding someone to guide you through the process, there are many options available.  If you are a reader, and are feeling pulled towards Green (herbal) witchcraft, there is an excellent book by Ann Moura, “Green Witchcraft:  Folk Magic, Fairy Lore & Herb Craft.”  (IBSN 1567186904)  If you believe that being a solitary witch fits you more, there is no better place to start than by reading Silver Ravenwolf’s seminal book, “Solitary Witch:  The Ultimate Book of Shadows for the New Generation.”  (IBSN 0738703192)

If you would feel more comfortable being guided by a teacher, the very first place to start looking is your local Yellow Pages.  Look for pagan or New Age bookstores or gift stores.  Usually, they will know someone who can guide you to what you need.  If you come up blank there, try doing a web search.  Once you begin on your spiritual path, and learn to love yourself, then you will also learn to attract those to you who will love you for who you are.