On Again Off Again

Dear Rose… i met the most amazing person in my life. Someone ive fell deeply in love with. I couldnt even begin to describ the amount of happiness this person has brought to my life. We are great, true, and close friends. A friend who is my lover. *Sigh* Its been about a year… and i know he loves me. Hes one of those people who have a hard time expressing their emotions. One of those people who cant let people in easily. Turns out i am that person… the one he needs, the one he trusts, the one he seeks to in his own way. And when i found this out- it meant the world to me! My problem… i know he loves me, i know he cares a lot for me, and this entire past year hes gone back and forth with what he wants with me. Friendship, or Relationship. Weve been back and forth. And i know the obvious thing would be to think… “well why do you want to be in a relationship with someone who keeps changing their mind on you?” I cant just be his friend, because hell change his mind again. He tells me how he sees us being together for years upon years. In his books, thats practicually marriage. XO Then recently he told me, how he has these feelings for me but he doesnt want them. Because he just thinks hell hurt me. I dont know what to do! He wants to be with me, but hes afraid of committment, afraid of hurting me [more than he already has], not ready and that could be another year! I cant love someone else, nor do i want to. Ive tried a few times and i end up hurting them because im still so deeply in love with him. It hurts knowing that he loves me, wants to be with me and yet constantly afraid hell move on only because he doesnt want to hurt me and fear of committment. [Because with someone else it wouldnt be as serious.] All i know is… i rather suffer with him, than be happy with someone else. I understand a relationship is hard work, and that is why i rather go through the faults and hardships with him more than anyone else. Rather being happy with someone else where i wouldnt be able to tolerate the hardships and put effort into it. Im afraid of doing a spell thatll make him do what he doesnt want. But i truely feel like a friendship isnt what he wants. I want to keep our strong friendship but pursue this to better things like weve both imagined. I dont know what im asking… but for some advice one what i can do in such a situation. Please and thank you, Lauren

Hello there my dear,
One of the most common questions that I hear is something along the lines of, “Is there a way / spell that will make someone want to be with me / love me?”
Well, the short answer is, “No… there is not.”
One of the core precepts of the Wiccan faith is to harm no other. If you are weaving spells or intoning rituals which are meant to sway the minds of others, then you are by definition harming them.
Free will is one of the most precious gifts we have been granted. Spells and rituals that are designed to infringe upon that free will and force others to do things by your design, instead of in accord with their own will, steals that most precious of gift from them.
In addition, whatever feelings or desires that they manifested for you would never be real or honest, but would instead simply be the manifestation of the magics. Would you really want to be with someone under those circumstances? Never really knowing if their feelings for you were genuine… or simply the product of magic?
So, in this particular case, my best advice to you is to take the time and put in the effort to do things the old fashioned way. After all, anything really worth doing is certainly worth doing right. If it is meant to be, then there is no need to rush or hurry things – and you will be much happier in the long term from having not done something you would likely regret.

Rose Ariadne: Providing “Magickal” answers to your Pagan, Wiccan, Witchcraft spell casting questions since 2006.

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