i am married and i have been talking with a guy for about three months and i’m starteding to have feeling and i dont know what to do

Oh, fiddle…of course you know what to do!  Stop talking to this other guy.  I know that sounds overly simplistic, but it is, indeed, the best answer.  I am assuming that you met this sterling fellow online, where all is sunshine, roses, and romance instead of scattered storms, dirty dishes and occasional flatulence. 

Perhaps it’s time to give out a little unsolicited advice, and get up on my soapbox for a second.  The Internet can be compared to Magick in a way.  It is one of the greatest tools we have in this age; but, like any tool, it can deliver positive or negative results, depending upon how you use it.  (To use a more mundane example, a hammer can build a house or crush bone.)  You would not believe the number of letters I receive from spouses on both sides of this electronic equation — from internet flirters and from the bewildered spouses.  First up:  internet safety.

The anonymity of the internet is an ideal platform for predators of all ages, shapes, sizes, and intents.  “Why, he’s my FRIEND!” you cry.  “He’s not like that at all!!  You don’t know him!”  News flash, ma’am — you don’t “know” him, either.  You’ve “seen” only those parts of him, his behavior, his psyche, which he wishes to show you.  Plus, it is very easy to be flowery and fun anonymously and from a distance.  I cannot stress this enough:  NEVER give out your personal information to someone you know only from the ‘net.  Trust is a noble emotion; save it for those who deserve it, and who know you in “real” life.  Which actually leads to my next point.

Instead of allowing and encouraging these “feelings” you’re beginning to have towards this man (how do you even really know this person’s gender, by the way?) why not figure out what is missing in your marital relationship?  Something caused you to search outside the boundaries of your marriage.  I would suggest that you sit down and make a few lists to help you clarify things.  First off, list the characteristics of your spouse which you admire and love; simple things, silly things, like the way his hair sticks up when he gets out of bed, or the way he knows just how you like your coffee.  Next, make a list entitled, “I really wish he would…”  By doing the lists in this order, you’re re-establishing the foundation of why you love your husband before looking at the missing parts of the relationship.  This is just a guess, but is your hubby a little hesitant to have daily conversations?  This seems to be a problem for many men, and allows that insidious internet communication to take its place in your life. 

Now, the hard part — tell your spouse exactly what you’ve told me.  And tell him that you do not want to have these feelings toward an anonymous person, and that you want the feelings to come back where they belong.  Ask for his help.  He should appreciate your honesty.  (One word of caution:  please try to avoid the phrase, “We need to talk.”  Somehow, that particular phrase tends to send chills of apprehension down every man’s spine, and often creates a defensive atmosphere before communication is even begun.)  You may even wish to allow him to make the same two lists that you made, so you can see where you can help improve the relationship as well.  After all, it DOES take two.

Finally…your computer has an “Off” button.  Use it.